Day 2--This New Journey

Okay it's day 2 of my new journey to take better care of my body, mind and spirit.  I awakened to my alarm clock at 5:00 am and immediately begin doing soft stretch exercises lying in my bed to help awaken the muscles and nerves in my body.  Since Sunday night I've been battling a re-laspe of back problems.  Instead of caving into negative thoughts that  old health issues might flare up again, I decided instead to begin sending my body positive thoughts.

After stretching, I fired up my electric juicer and made an energy drink consisting of:  grapefruits, oranges, lemons and ginger.  I am determined to improve my health by feeding my body raw, healthy foods.

I then spent 20 minutes meditating in order to connect with Spirit and put a positive spin on my day before I face the world.

During my lunch hour I went to view the new apartment I'll be moving into on Friday.  So after viewing it and being happy with what I saw, I signed the lease documents.  I honestly can't believe that for the first time in 53 years I'll be living on my own.  The apartment is really nice and I'm looking forward to decorating it with my own style.  One of my co-workers has offered to come over and help me deep clean the apartment.

Today is a good day and good things are happening to me!

Day 1--My New Beginning Has a Purpose

Well today marks the beginning of a new life journey for me.  I've made the choice to focus on myself from this day forward and work diligently to make life what I desire it to be.

I started a meditation class today.  I figured it would benefit me greatly to connect with Source through my spirit.  If I can learn how to truly meditate I believe it will help me overcome many of the obstacles I've faced throughout my entire life.  I'm going to monitor the effect of the meditation in my life for the next 30 days.

Also, I have made a concerted effort to begin eating healthy in conjunction with the meditation and other positive changes I'm making in my life.  I will be moving into my new apartment this week and I want to make sure I start off on the right foot.  In my mind's eye, I can see it all coming together successfully.

Thank you God for your grace, love and mercy.

40 Days Towards Discovering My Purpose--Day 5

I am thankful this morning for God’s gift of life and his continual care for me. I thank him for all the marvelous blessings in my life. Although not everything in my life may be where I believe it should be at this moment, I know God does have a plan for me and he wants to give me his very best because his plans for me are plans for good, to give me his very best.

Chapter 5 begins by saying that “the way you see your life shapes your life….and determines your destiny.” If this is really truth, then Lord please help me to change my thinking and begin to see my life the way you see it. It is funny how our thinking can determine the outcome of so many things in life. Truly, Jesus meant what he spoke when he said, “as a man thinks, so is he”

Point to Ponder: “Life is a test and a trust”—Yes, Lord truly all of life is a test. Help me to please pay attention and pass what you present to me.

Verse to Remember: “Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won’t be faithful in large ones.”….Luke 16:10—Seeking your face daily, help me oh Lord to faithful in even this matter.

Question to Consider: “What has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?—The life change of no longer having a place of my own to live and worried about where I would lay my head, when God had a plan all along.

God I thank you for entrusting me to be a mother and grandmother, because my life has such an awesome influence on these individuals. Help me to always display, love and humility so that they may know that God is love unconditional.

40 Days Towards Discovering My Purpose--Day 4

While reading a chapter this morning from "The Purpose Driven Life" a song was playing on the radio that contained the lyrics "just accept what God allows, and don't question the rest". How many times have I questioned God daily about things in my life because I just cannot understand nor see what He has in store for me. I can hear God's voice speaking to me that if I flow with his plan for my life he will lead me to good things in a peaceful way.

The chapter goes on to say, "The closer you live to God, the smaller everything else appears" .... Mark Warren (The Purpose Driven Life) .... What an awesome statement! How true it is that an intimate relationship with God fulfills all the emptiness within one's soul. However, grasping such truth and actually living it seems to be my challenge. I read the words, and I hear the meaning in my mind but digesting and actively living this truth seems to escape me.

Point to Ponder: "There is more to life than just here and now."-God open my eyes that I may see the truth about my life and accept your plan for it.

Verse to Remember: "This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever." ... .1 John 2:17-Lord help me to live doing your will.

Question to Consider: "Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing today?-Lord help me to STOP asking WHY and get busy living my life more in accordance with your word. Help me to make my focus to live everyday as though it were my last before meeting you, oh King of Glory.

40 Days Towards Discovering My Purpose--Day 3

I must admit making a blog entry daily is a bit challenging for me at times. Especially since I can be moody at times, not always wanting to do what I promise myself I‘ll do. Nonetheless, I awakened this morning with a desire to write and I pray for strength to stay focused on what my inner spirit is telling me I need.

In my reading of the book “The Purpose Driven Life” this morning a paragraph from the book resonated within my soul…”Without a clear purpose, you will keep changing directions, jobs, relationships, churches, or other externals—hoping each change will settle the confusion or fill the emptiness in your heart. You think, Maybe this time it will be different, but it doesn’t solve your real problem—a lack of focus and purpose.” Oh my God, how true this statement is for me. This is exactly where I am right now in my life…without a lack of focus and purpose. How my soul longs to discover my purpose so that I might finally fill the emptiness within my soul. According to the author, Mark Warren, my purpose is …”You were put here to prepare for eternity”. God show me how to prepare for that which you created me.

Point to Ponder: “Living on purpose is the path to peace”—Lord help me to listen diligently to your voice so that I may understand my purpose and live each day in peace.

Verse to Remember: “You, LORD, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you.”….Isaiah 26:3—A seeking of God’s face daily gives me peace as He reveals his plan for my purpose.

Question to Consider: “What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?—my children and my fiancé are the driving force of my life. I seem to be happiest when I know that they are well and that I have the strength to help sustain them throughout their life journey. However, this is not what I want to be the driving force of my life. I desire instead to have a driving force appointed by God. A driving force from God would be more stable and without disappointments based on my expectations. God let your will be my will.

40 Days Towards Discovering My Purpose--Day 2

Today is Monday, March 08, 2010 and I am writing this entry from an area we call “Jack’s Place” here on base at Al Udeid. I like the environment here at Jack’s. It is always quiet, allowing me to think my thoughts no matter what they might be. Today is the second day of my focus on my 40-day journey of discovering my life's purpose.

Chapter 2 of “The Purpose Driven Life” focuses on the fact that “I am not an accident” but that I was created specifically for God’s purpose. I like this, knowing that I was not an accident but that God has a purpose and plan for my life. Especially since most of my life I have struggled to accept my physical appearance with how I look. Most of my life I never really believed I was beautiful. Perhaps it was because of my wide nose and the gap in between my teeth, and most noticeably because during my school years, I was never considered pretty. I thank God for the life journey He has brought me through because in travelling it, I have come to realize that I am beautiful.

It has taken half of my life for me to finally realize that I am exquisitely and uniquely made according to God’s blueprint, and the most important thing is that He loves me unconditionally. What an awesome feeling to know that your creator loves you without any strings attached. To know that He really wants the very best plan for your life and that his intent is to show you how much he loves you. I am so glad God does not make mistakes and that he does not do anything accidently.

Lord I cannot wait to for you to show me the profound meaning of my life! I love you…Kemi

40 Days Towards Discovering My Purpose--Day 1

Truly, it has been much too long since I posted an entry in this blog. So much has happened in my life during the absence of my entries. So much in fact, that I am not sure where to begin my writing. They say it is always best to begin right where you are, so I will start right here and right now.

Today is Sunday, March 07, 2010 and I am writing this entry from my bedroom here in Doha, Qatar. Yes, you heard me right, Doha, Qatar. I am currently living and working abroad as a civilian contractor with the US Military. In fact, life took a drastic change for me in October 2008 when I landed my first contracting gig with the contracting giant KBR. I spent eight months working in Iraq on the Tallil airbase as an Administrative Specialist and enjoyed every bit of the assignment. It was the most enlightening, educational and inspiring time of my life ever.

A lot has happened since my first tour abroad and I have many stories to tell about my adventures but for now, I wish to focus on my 40-day journey of discovering my life's purpose. I have been stationed here on the Al Udeid Air Base since January 28, 2010 and I have yet to get myself into the groove of enjoying this assignment. A lot of my present discontentment is with my employer and the negatives experienced thus far. However, life is what you make of it, so I am pushing myself to look past all the negatives around me, find my purpose and enjoy my life abroad in spite of the roadblocks encountered along the journey.

As I awakened this morning, I smiled softly at God's awesome love and care for me as His child. I lay in my bed, silently thanking Him for the blessing of another day, and being enclosed in my right mind with my health and strength. I arose, put on my gospel music to help set the mood for the day and began my daily bible reading / devotional study. As my spirit cried out to God in prayer for the protection, safety and continued blessings for family, friends, and myself, I felt an urging deep within myself to get up and begin to make small changes in my life that would benefit me.

The first urging for change that I felt within my spirit this morning was to begin an exercise plan and concentrate on improving my health by walking 30 minutes per day. So before I could give myself time to talk myself out of why I didn't want to begin this task, I set about getting dressed in my workout gear and I headed to the gym for a 30 minute cardio workout. Within my spirit, I know that it's God calling me to a higher purpose for even the smallest of things in my life. I completed the workout and felt encouraged at the fact that I managed to complete the 1.5-mile walk to improve my health.

After completing my daily exercise, I next felt the prompting of spirit leading me to the local library to find a good encouraging book that would help me focus on setting some goals for myself. To my surprise, my eyes landed on Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life". I'd read this particular book once before at the urging of a friend and found it to be spiritually uplifting, and I felt the spirit prompting me to re-read it again. So thus begins my blog topics for the next 40 days, "40 Days Towards Discovering My Purpose". I feel within my spirit God urging me to begin a re-definition of who I am by drawing closer to Him and understanding His reasoning for my life's journey.

I opened the book to Chapter 1 - "What on Earth Am I Here For?", and read with a sense of hunger and desire wanting to know God's purpose for my life at 48 years old. I am here in Doha, Qatar for a reason and I know that by approaching God with a humble heart and a sincere desire to hear His word for my life, He will reveal to me His plan for me and show me where I must be on this journey of life. My soul seemed to absorb like a sponge in water the scripture presented in this chapter-"A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree ... Proverbs 11:28 (Msg) ". How timely this word, because my soul has been craving and seeking to flourish like a tree in God's presence. Thank you God for directing my footsteps, even in the smallest of things, I am so very grateful to you Lord.

The reason I like this book is that it challenges me in my journey towards discovering my purpose by asking me to think about my purpose on a daily basis. Therefore, with that in mind, here is my response to thinking about my purpose for day one.

Point to Ponder: "It's not about me."-Lord help me to remember this in my daily interactions with others.

Verse to Remember: "Everything got started in God and finds its purpose inGod" .... Colossians 1:16-This includes my very life and He will reveal my purpose if I seek Him with all my heart

Question to Consider: "In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?"-No matter what material things life has to offer you, you cannot take it with you when it is time to meet God and no matter how much stuff you accumulate in life, it cannot console you when your soul cries out with a longing to be filled and comforted ... only God can meet the need.

I Know Its Been A Long Time

Yes, I'll be the first to admit that it has been seven(7) months since I last posted to my own Blog. Shame on me but hey I've got a set of good excuses...*lol*

For those who did take the time to read my some of my initial writings, you know I made a major life change with my decision to work abroad in Iraq. Back in October, 2008 I had no idea what living and working in Iraq would be like, but I've been here for seven(7) months now and the experience is one I'll remember for a lifetime.

The picture to the right is a current shot of my living conditions here in Iraq.

As I write this post, it's 4pm here in Iraq and the current temperature is 112 degrees hot! Talk about scorching heat. The weather here is nothing like Oklahoma, and it only takes about ten minutes of exposure to the sun here to get sunburned. Being here in the middle of the desert is not a laughing matter. Although I'm stationed on a military base, I'm still smack-dab in the middle of the desert with nothing to be seen but miles and miles of sand. My work days are long, usually 12 hours sometimes more and the work at times can be stressful.

Overall if I had to rate my experience of being here thus far, I'd have to say it hasn't been too bad. Sure there are people here whom you wish you could slap a dozen times or more just for being obnoxious, stupid and down-right evil but I thank God everyday for His keeping grace because without Him I wouldn't have come this far on my journey.

I work as an Administrative Specialist which means I push paper, mainly data entry using a MAXIMO application. The work itself isn't so bad, its just the the people you have work with on a daily basis which make the job unbearable at times. I don't interface much with the military either although my job has a major impact in helping support them on a day to day basis. But I enjoy the work, it keeps me busy and I've learned alot so far about contract work, supporting the military and keeping my sanity amongst individuals who I know should be tied up and given 40-lashes.....*lol*

So much has taken place since my initial journey out of Oklahoma back in October 2008, and there's still much to tell but not today. Little by little, I'll share my story and hope to present a picture to the outside world of life in Iraq as a government contractor.

Until we "blog--meet again" may the Lord watch between you and I.
--Oluwakemi

Countdown to a New Life--Day 4

It's Wednesday, October 22, 2008 here in Tulsa on a very rainy day. Its been a while since we've had a good rain here in Tulsa, so it's much needed. As I lay in bed looking out my window, I watched the raindrops fall and the lightening thundering across the sky. What a perfect day to just lie and reflect over my life and where I am on my journey in life. So many thoughts race through my mind of all I still have yet to handle before I depart Tulsa on Sunday. I'm still sorta torn in feeling as though I'm not as supported as I'd like to be over my decision to work abroad. But I continue to pray and trust God that He will bring all things to pass in due season.

This is the second day that I've not heard from my husband. I'm sure all's well, as he too is working diligently to prepare to meet me in Dubai. Nonetheless, I hate it when we don't communicate on a daily basis, as I'm always left wondering what's happening in his part of the world.

I finished all my packing last night and plan to take my suitcase over to the airport today to have it weighed to ensure I'm within weight restrictions. One would think that I'd be more excited than I am but instead I feel kinda indifferent. I always get this way when I feel bored with things in my life. Wondering if I'll receive my travel itinerary to Houston today, as most others due in Houston on Sunday have already received theirs.

Still haven't been able to make contact with my parents. I've been calling everyday now since Sunday and they're never home. The last time I physically saw them was on Friday night. They were playing bingo at a local establishment near a place where I pay my utility bill. It was good to see them both out having fun, especially Dad, as its been hard for him to just sit around since he was diagnosed as having suffered a slight stroke. Awwww, my parents and their bingo; oh well, guess it's what keeps them happy.

J seems to be coping well with my pending departure abroad. J is just J and the most important thing to him is his nintendo game and wrestling...*lol* However, I really do think that after I've been gone for about a month or so, he'll realize that things aren't really the same in the house without my being present. I think he'll miss me for a while and be really glad to see me come February.

Still not sure what exactly is going on with my daughters. They each seem to be in their own little world, and again I guess it's their way of coping with Mom leaving them on their own totally for the first time in their lives. But I know God is my husband and protector, so He'll do a wonderful job of making sure everyone I love is taken care of.

Well guess I'd better get up and handle today's business as I've got a few things to wrap up in relation to my leaving.

Okay, I finally received my travel itinerary to Houston today! Looks like I've got a late flight out of Tulsa, and only three more days to wrap up last minute details, visit with family and friends and take a good look around at my surroundings here in Tulsa. It'll be four months five months from now before I set feet back on Oklahoma soil.

Still no word from "O" today. I hate it when he fails to make contact with me because I never know what to think is happening from his end of the world. I took my suitcase by the local post office to be weighed and it looks like I'm within the limits of the weight restrictions. I've got all my stuff packed and I'm pretty much ready to go. I still have a few last minute things to handle like picking up medication, coloring my hair, getting ankle socks, getting postage on the package to ship my cell phone home and getting a polish change on my fingers/toes. If I'm going to be meeting my husband for the very first time then I want to be sure I'm looking like an African Queen...*smiling softly*

Its pretty much rained all day today here in Tulsa, and the rain and cooler weather makes me sleepy, especially since I've been up since 5:30ish or so. Talked with my parents today and they seem to be doing okay. Dad's still visiting the doctors and taking tests to determine if there are any other major problems with his health. Mom was surprised to learn that I'm deploying on Sunday. She thought that I wasn't leaving until sometime in November. They're added to my list of folks to visit with one last time before I fly out.

--Oluwakemi

Countdown to a New Life--Day 5

Today is Tuesday, and there are only four more days left before I head to the airport on Sunday to fly out of Tulsa to Houston. Began my day early as usual, up around 5:30am, spent time in the Word of God and prayer. Headed to the gym and got a 5 mile walk/run in, and then headed back home for a good hot bath. I continue to keep my blood sugar levels in the normal range, although they tend to be a bit on the high side upon awakening each morning. But after my daily exercise, and breakfast, they test out as normal.

I weighed in today and have lost an additional three (3) pounds; so I'm now down to 217 lbs. I was so hoping I'd have gotten my weight down to 200 lbs by the time I see "O" in person in Dubai. I don't know which of us is more excited about meeting for the first time. We both have so many thoughts of our first meeting. I'll just be glad when I can actually physically touch him for the very first, as though to prove to myself that he's real.

My eldest daughter and I had lunch together today. I enjoyed this as I've really wanted to spend as much time as possible with all my kids before leaving the States. I'm hoping that we will all be able to have a family get-together over the weekend before I fly out on Sunday. Nothing special just want to bake cookies with the grand kids and laugh and talk with the kids about days gone by and times to come.

I picked up the remainder of my clothes from the cleaners today, so I'm really praying I'll be able to fit the remainder of the articles I hope to take with me into the suitcase I'm using. A few of the other individuals I've met who are going to Houston for processing, have apparently gotten their travel itineraries already. Hoping mine will show up by at least tomorrow and not at the last minute on Friday.

Plan to color my hair on Saturday in order to get rid of some of the grey. I want to be absolutely sure I'm looking my very best when I see my husband for the very first time...*smiling softly* Well, more to come on tomorrow, as it'll be Countdown to a New Life--Day 4.

--Oluwakemi

Countdown to a New Life--Day 6

Okay, its Monday and this is the first day of the vacation I took from my current employer in preparation for the trip to Houston in order to complete processing with the new employer. Taking a week of vacation is a stretch for me, let alone taking three entire weeks. I've been chatting with others who are also headed to Houston for processing to go to Iraq, and I must say I'm really looking forward to getting on the plane to Houston and getting all this underway.

I began packing my suitcase today and realized I've got quite a few things to try and fit into this one piece of luggage. There is a weight restriction, so I pray that I can bring along everything I need without exceeding the limit. I've also pretty much wrapped up a lot of things from a legal perspective, only have one or two more things to get done. I plan to finish packing no later than Friday and then take my suitcase to the Post Office in hopes of having them weigh it for me.

For the most part, my children seem to be quite calm about my departure. We've hung out here and there but I really don't think it's hit them just yet. I think the true impact will come once they realize I'm physically not here and won't be for a while. They each continue to move along as though nothing different has happened. I seem to be experiencing the same thing from my parents. They too don't seem to be making a big deal of my heading away to a country far from home. Oh well, I've accepted things as they are, and have come to realize that this is all about my living my life, just as others seem to be living theirs.

Well, I'd better head to bed, I'm getting sleepy.

--Oluwakemi

Countdown to a New Life--Day 7

It’s Sunday morning, October 19, 2008 here in Tulsa, and I sit thinking with so much on my mind. Precisely one week from today, I will be leaving Tulsa, Oklahoma to fly to Houston, Texas for processing in preparation for working abroad. Part of me is excited about the opportunity to experience life abroad and travel to places I have only dreamed of visiting. Yet the other part of me is somewhat sad at the fact that for the first time in 28 years, I will be leaving my kids behind on their own for one year.

My children are now grownups, each has their own personality, and in my eyes, each is the most beautiful, unique, and intelligent and loving child a mother could ask for. I am thankful God granted me the opportunity to be mother to them while on this journey called life. Although my children are my heart and soul, I am saddened at the fact that we have not spent more time together as the time draws nearer for me to depart. Perhaps they too are struggling with their emotions of my leaving them.

My heart is heavy, and I want nothing more than to feel the warmth of my children and grandchildrens' arms about me. To hear the sounds of their laughter, to see the joy upon their faces, and the reminiscing in their eyes as we remember the good and bad times shared. My children and I have come through so many trials over the years, and yet I am so ever grateful that through all of them, God has kept us strong.

I know that for my daughters, my leaving is hardest because they are single mother’s themselves, and they have relied upon me the most. But yet, I know without a doubt they are strong women who come from a lineage of strong, confident, and intelligent black women; my daughters will be just fine. I worry most about my baby, a boy, who is now 20 years old. He just graduated high school in May 2008, and this is his first attempt at being an adult. All he has truly ever known is his two sisters and I. He will continue to live in our home here, and I pray that God guides his footsteps, helps him to become a man, and protects him in every way.

Despite my feelings, I know that God is Lord over all, and He will keep my family and I safe through our journeys. I have walked long enough with God to know that sometimes, I have to encourage myself when life seems to come at you fast. This job opportunity is an experience to give me more insight about life around the world, and not everyone gets such an opportunity. Father God, I welcome and thank you for your grace, goodness and mercy. It is by your goodness that I prevail.

--Oluwakemi

Reflections of my Soul

Poetry of the mind,
Thoughts and ideas
Full of promises and yet unreachable at times

Where are you found? What is it you seek?
Does your soul call?
Does its meaning give life to your inner spaces?
What do you seek? Where do you belong?

Silently tears fall
Stinging the open wounds of my heart
Reflections of past hurt escape to the inner light
A renewed sense of justice calls to me now
Can you feel the sense of urgency within?
Do you have the key that unlocks the closed door?

Patterns
Rhythms
They run in parallel lines
Many lines which seem to lead nowhere
Have you discovered the truth?

Yours is a mighty calling
To thine own self be true
Thus shall you find the inner workings of your soul
That which brings you truth and revelation of life

The answer is found
So open your soul
Allow God's presence to heal
A healing balm that rejuvenates the broken in spirit
But yet delivers the mind.

--Oluwakemi

Words of Wisdom.....

I enjoy tidbits of wisdom that cause me to reflect upon and seek to improve my life. Below are trinkets of wisdom I found along my journey in life. I don't remember who wrote them or where I found them but hope they'll inspire you as they have me.....enjoy!

----------------------------------------

Think Differently to Change Your Life

Dear Child--Exercise your right to think differently. Do not get caught or stay in old patterns. To change your life, you need to change the way you think.

Hold not onto the past. Instead hold the thought of what you wish to become. See that image. Feel that image. Be that image and your life will change.

Release your fear, release your doubts, release your pain, release your old thoughts to make room for who you want to become.

All is well, Child of God.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't Worry

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. ---Phillippians 4:6-7

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patience

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."--Jean Jacques Rousseau

Today--Remain patient; your reward is much greater only if you hold on and see this thing through; stop being so moody, pushy and rushy; wait, your change is coming; the Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him; don't stand around twiddling your thumbs while you're waiting, find something progressive to do; wait I say, wait and have patience!

--Oluwakemi

His Love Keeps Me Smiling

There are people in life who possess a special ability. The ability to make your smile light up like a fluorescent bulb whenever they cross your path. That is the effect my husband “O” has on me. I have said it time and time before but God knows I love this man so much. Something about his simplicity, his true inner beauty, and the sound of his laughter always makes me feel so thankful for the little things in life God has given me. “O’s” love always brings about a smile no matter what I am going through in life.

Lately, “O” and I have not been spending as much time online with one another chatting due to life’s little obstacles and this absence, coupled with the distance has made our hearts grow so much fonder of one another.

I smiled with a grin as wide as the “Cheshire Cat” character from the Alice in Wonderland story when I read a Yahoo Instant Message “O” had sent me. The message read, “Get this in your brain and every part of your body….someone in Nigeria loves you dearly”. What a beautiful message. These simple things keep me loving this man, and I would not trade his love for the world.

As we chatted this morning, I confided in him that because my plans to travel to Nigeria in August 2008 would not manifest, I was a bit down hearted. My financial picture is not what I would like it to be now and it has played a big role in keeping me from traveling to Nigeria. “O” reminded me that we were destined to be together and as such, we would be together no matter what.

Lord, I ask, please continue to give me hope in the power of faith and destiny. I know that the gift you have with my name inscribed on it is for me and no one else. I thank you Lord for the manifestation of your goodness in the lives of my husband and I.

--Oluwakemi

Still in Love....

I really must admit. I have been doing a lousy job of blogging lately..*lol*…and although I could use the excuse that there is so much going on in my life, I won’t.

It’s a beautiful day here in Tulsa. Temperatures peaked around the 80’s with lots of wind and sunshine. At work today, my old boss and the new boss both took me and a co-worker out to lunch to celebrate Administrative Professional’s Day since they had failed to get around to it on the actual date. We ate at a restaurant called Ti Amo’s an Italian place. The food was okay but not somewhere, I’d like to eat again any time soon.

When I’m worried about things, I tend to talk too much, along with feeling anxious. Moreover, of late, I’ve been plenty worried and anxious. Why? Because my finance’ “O” has been in the hospital for nearly a week now, and I’m so worried about his condition. I’m even more worried because I’m not able to physically be there at his side to care for him, and this makes me crazy. I thank God though that his cousin “L” who loves him dearly has been there for him without fail. Not to mention “L” has kept me posted every step of the way about “O’s” condition.

I finally got an opportunity to speak with “O” on yesterday and he sounded so very weak. He tried to reassure me though that he was feeling better and was doing quite well. However, the mother instinct in me doesn’t believe this for one minute. I just wish to God there was some way on the face of this earth that I could physically get to him. He really and truly does need me, and now I realize what he was trying to say to me when he said, “honey, I need you more than you know”.

Apparently, he’s been having some stomach problems for quite some time now but has tried to just be himself because he didn’t want me to know how sick he really was. I wonder why life hands you the cards that it does at times. I still for the life of me cannot understand why God has allowed me and “O’s” paths to cross virtually but we’re unable physically to be together. Is this some kind of test of our love and commitment to one another? All I know is that I will be so glad when I can get a real grip on things from a financial aspect so that I can be at my husband’s side to stand strong with him.

“O” truly is a good man, and God knew exactly what He was doing when he brought us together. Things for the two of us haven’t always been heavenly, in that we have our battles like every couple in love but what makes our relationship worth it is our continued commitment to one another. I know people think I’m crazy for being in love with someone clear across the planet and whom I continue to believe is my husband but I know in my heart God has ordained this relationship and we shall be joined in physical and holy matrimony before God’s eyes.

I’ve thought about “O” every waking second since I last talked with him on Saturday evening before I even knew he was ill. He was so very loving and kind to me, as he always is. Telling me only how much he loved me and that I was everything he’d ever prayed for in a companion. No man I’ve ever dated has shown me as much love as “O” has. For this, I feel so very blessed because he continues to believe and he encourages me when I’m down reminding me that we will be one as husband and wife soon.

All I can say again is “God thank you, thank you so very much for giving me a husband after your heart”. I promise to love, cherish, honor and obey him until death do us part.

--Oluwakemi

Between Mothers and Sons....

My eldest son phoned me on today. Wow! I was completely taken aback at his phone call. So much so that during our conversation, I broke down and cried. Why? Because my son and I have somewhat been estranged in some ways. You see “K” is my eldest son and he’s always had a definite mind of his own, and stubbornness has been one of his high points.

When he phoned me at work, I was very surprised to hear his voice because as a mother, my child is always on my mind. There’s not a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t say a prayer for him, and even more so since he’s stationed in Iraq. No, he’s not in the Armed Forces but working as a contractor instead. He completed his military tour back in 2004, and I’m not sorry to say that I’m glad he got out of the Army when he did. Otherwise , I know he’d probably have been on the front line of the war and already deceased by now but as they say “God knows just what He’s doing” and I’m so glad He’s blessing.

I asked “K” what made him decide to call me and he said, “I don’t know, I was just walking back into the compound and thoughts of you came into my mind. I knew exactly why he’d called me; God had placed it on his heart. You see I’ve been praying mightily for my son. I’ve prayed that God would make his heart tender and turn his heart back to the Lord and his family in a spirit of love and gentleness. So much about “K” has changed over the years and I think the military hardened his heart a great deal due to the things he was exposed to during his military career.

However, since he’s been working as a contractor in Iraq he has started to change some. He’s finally begun to grow up. I remember somewhere along the way someone once told me to just give it time, that in time “K” would mature and become wiser. I now see that piece of advice manifesting itself. I listened with pride and joy as “K” told me how financially independent he’s become as a father who’s responsible for supporting his own kids now. I listened and thought this child who was once a boy, foolish and hard-headed has now grown up into a fine young man, who’s smart, strong, self-willed and becoming wiser every day. I’ve told my son before but I don’t know if he remembers, but I’m very proud of the man he has and is becoming.

“K” told me that he’d be coming home to visit in May and that he’d be bringing the kids with him. I’m excited at the thought of seeing both him and the kids, especially since I’ve not seen the kids since they were three and two. I wonder if they’ll remember Grandma…*smiling softly*…especially since they’ve only seen me once in their lifetime. Nevertheless, I know they’ll know me when they arrive because I’m grandmother, and they’ll feel my love.

Thinking about my grandkids in Germany just reminds me of all my grandkids, especially those here in the States. I chuckle when I think about my eldest grandson “B” and how intelligently he converses with me about even the smallest of things. Always making sure that I’ve heard everything he’s said to me. Then there’s “K” the leader of the pack ! She’s the granddaughter that keeps you praying for strength. Always bossing everyone in everything, she’ll be the leader of the gang. I chuckle again because seeing her interact with the other grandkids reminds me of “K” when he was a little boy, always the leader of the bunch. His siblings, my other kids, would always follow him and the whole loot of them would end up in trouble because “K” always could convince them to do that one thing that would surely land them all into trouble…*lol*

It was good to hear from my son. I’m glad God touched his heart to call. Every mother wonders from time to time if she did the best she could in raising her kids, and I’m no exception. “K” adamantly informed me that most of his anger towards me had been because he felt I deprived him of many things in his childhood. Because I wouldn’t let him do what all the other kids were doing. However, I still knew at the end of our conversation that I’d done my best as the best mother I knew how to be. He talked about how I made them stay indoors to read the Bible at times instead of allowing them to go out and play. I know that while he didn’t and still doesn’t understand it, I pray the older he becomes the more he’ll realize that his childhood wasn’t as terrible as he thought it was; but that instead his mother raised him in love and with a knowledge of God.

So I thank you Lord for protecting my son and keeping him safe. I thank you Lord for blessing him in the ways that you have. I thank you Lord for blessing me with the privilege of being his mother as he journeys in this life. Because when it’s all said and done, I will always be his mother and he will always be my son. I love you “K” never lose sight of our memories whether good or bad…Mom.

---Oluwakemi

Discovering My Passion

It is a beautiful sunny day here in Tulsa with chilly temperatures but nonetheless a beautiful day. As I write this post, I smile at my self-revelation about whom I am and why I am here. I have always wondered what I was put on this earth to do, and for most of my life, I have felt very frustrated over not being able to figure it out. However, lately, I have seemed to be more in tune with this aspect of my design and I feel that finally, after 46 years, the eyes of my soul now see.

I have been thinking a lot these days about my life and where I am headed or better yet, where I would like to be headed. You see, at 46 years old, a lot of change is taking place in my world. My youngest child is about to graduate from high school in six weeks, my boss of a year and a half is leaving and the lease on my apartment is up in three months….whew! All of this is affecting me at a very personal level and I have many decisions to make.

Now that I am about to be living on my own (since my son wants to get his own apartment) I am struck with the realization of “what will I really do with myself?” I mean, for the most part, I gear my life around my children and grandchildren and I have not had much of a social outlet apart from that. I am typically the kind of person who just goes to work, church and back home. Apart from those days where I babysit my grandchildren or play a game of billiards with my son, I am usually stuck in the house surfing the net. So I’ve begun to do some true introspection into my life about what it is I want to be doing now, especially since it’s going to just be me around the house, and I’ve discovered I want to travel abroad, teach English and help others along the way.

Just what exactly do I mean by helping others? Well, I have always loved sharing my knowledge with others by helping people learn new things. However, of late I have had a burning desire to leave the confines of my stable environment and teach English abroad. I know it sounds insane to want to give up a decent and stable life to go running all over the world to God knows where and living God knows how. However, I want to be doing something more meaningful with the knowledge and gifts I possess.

I have always loved sharing whatever knowledge I had about my passions with those who seemed receptive to listening and learning. So what better way to use my life experiences as a mother, grandmother, wife, student, teacher, employee and native English speaker, than to share them with those who may be interested in hearing what I have to say. I truly hope my own experiences will benefit others in some way and that my desire to teach English abroad brings positive change in the lives of those with whom I share.

Since I’ve discovered what I believe is my life’s passion, I’ve been checking out tons of stuff related to Teaching English as a Second Language (TESL) and Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL). It appears that teaching English abroad is not too difficult but simply requires some planning, commitment, and certification to teach. I have decided to make the plunge and acquire the certification in order to obtain work abroad that will allow me to live my dream of traveling and helping people along the way.

I smile at the synchronistic events that have crossed my path today. The events seem to be clues pointing me in the right direction. For instance, a colleague of mine who is the Dean of Global Education at the college where I work stopped by my office this morning for friendly chat and we discussed living a life filled with what it is you want to do, as well as teaching English and living abroad. Then, shortly thereafter, I received an instant message from a friend of mine who shared the following:

Question: Why do people stagnate for years or decades in their
life?

Answer: They don’t have a PICTURE/VISION in their mind that
is greater than their current reality.

Question: Why do so many people have little to no personal
growth their whole adult life?

Answer: Without a PICTURE of a future GREATER than where you
are today, there’s no incentive or need to grow.

Until you CONCEIVE of a future that you want, that will excite you, you're
not going to release all your God given gifts. You have to conceive on the inside before you live it. When you shackle your gifts, you hold your income and personal growth hostage.

Source: http://www.mikelitman.com/blog/?p=70

In addition, to put the icing on the cake, I opened an e-mail containing a company-wide newsletter that mentioned the State of Oklahoma celebrating international students, and what caught my attention in the article was the mention of the college’s in-house ESL coordinator, whom I never knew existed. Therefore, I immediately sent an e-mail to this individual seeking advice about ESL opportunities that might be available to college staff interested in gaining ESL teaching experience. It just absolutely amazes me the things God/Universe bring across your path when you become tuned into your heart’s desire.

As I ponder the possibilities that lie before me to change my life and make it what I want it to truly be, I shudder with excitement, excited because I know that my dream can become a reality if I pursue it with passion. As I write this post, my heart longs for Africa, and I long to be there, teaching a people I feel so connected to in a strange way. I long to make a difference in the lives of these people because as I have connected and made various friendships among the Nigerian people, my heart is touched at the level of poverty some of them experience. I long to reach out to those among them who truly suffer and bring hope, the hope of learning something they didn’t know before that could change their life in a positive way.

I believe I, just like everyone else on this planet is here for a purpose, to make a difference in the life of another human being. My desire to reach out through teaching of my language and life experiences has awakened within me a passion I know will transform me and those I touch.

—Oluwakemi

Blogging Your Way to Riches

I can't count the numerous times I've searched high and low for opportunities to make money while sharing my written thoughts with others, and by golly I've stumbled upon an opportunity.

Tell me if you know of anyone who doesn't enjoy receiving extra money. I for one am always on the lookout for opportunities which allow me to earn additional income....legally of course, and that's where Bloggerwave can pay off.

Did you know that Bloggerwave gives you the opportunity to make extra money from blogging? That's right....if you have a blog and want to make some extra money, then checkout the site that aims to be Europes' biggest advertising media on blogs, and you can help them grow so more and more jobs will come.

So if you enjoy blogging and want to make money while doing what you love then checkout Bloggerwave and join the latest wave in blogging.

Happy blogging !

--Oluwakemi

To Be Loved By a Nigerian Man

It's an absolutely gorgeous day in Tulsa. In fact, the temperature here got up to around 74 degrees with lots of sunshine. Although I'm writing because I realize it's been well over 3 days since my last post, I'm really writing because I've gotta get my feelings out on paper about my feelings for my Nigerian husband whom I love so much.

You see, my husband (husband to be, but he and I see ourselves as married already) lives in Nigeria. He has never set foot in the U.S., yet our love is stronger than anything else either of us can imagine in our lives. We first began communicating with one another in October 2006 and have been deeply in love ever since. There are those who would say "how can you love someone you've never physically met"; however, this kind of realistic thinking doesn't matter to me because it feels like I've know my Nigerian husband forever.

As I sit here at the computer gazing out of my bedroom window, my heart has a sort of melancholy to it. I imagine vividly the feel of "O's" hands against me, his breath warm against my ear as he whispers my name, the sound of his laughter as he calls to me with an undying love. I love this Yoruba king of mine. He is everything I've ever desired in a man as a companion. And although life for him in Nigeria is so hard pressed most of the time, the one thing that does not falter is his love for me.

Every waking moment thoughts of him are on my mind. I wonder incessantly how he's doing, what he's doing and if everything is well for him in a country so plagued with hardship and turmoil. I love this man more than anyone I've ever loved in my entire lifetime upon this earth. Just the sound of his voice fills me with an unexplainable warmth, audible laughter and overwhelming joy. My mind is always churning with thoughts of anticipation as I dream of our first meeting, our first kiss, our first embrace. Yes, I love this man dearly and he loves me just as much, that's what makes it so beautiful.

I will travel to and set my feet upon Nigerian soil for the first time ever during my life in July 2008. I have dreamed of and longed for this day since the moment I gave my heart to "O". I still remember the feeling of pure happiness and unspeakable joy the day he asked me to be his wife. Asking me if I'd give my heart to him and allow him to make me happy. Asking me if I'd share my life with him and stand by his side as his African Queen til the day we both took our last breath. He is the man I know in my heart God destined and created me for. I am the woman I know God designed for him and him alone.

"O" and I have come through so very much since October 2006 and through it all, our journey has continued and grown stronger than any love I've ever had. My husband is a man of beauty, truth, wisdom, strength and most of all God fearing. I love the sensitivity of his heart as a man who's not afraid to be real with me and expose his vunerabilities or emotions. I love the way he calls my Yoruba name and the way he speaks in his native tongue when he says "Mo ni ife re ==> I love you so much"

Yes, distance separates us physically as lovers but the energy of our love and bond of our committment keep us so very close. I love what we share and the way we connect. Our journey together has allowed each of us to easily perceive when something is amiss with the other.

Just today when I phoned my love to just say "I love you and I'm thinking of you" I detected the note of sadness in his voice. I could hear the voice of tears which had been his but which he tried to conceal from me. As his wife, I instictively reached out asking him what was wrong and to not hide his trouble from me because I could feel his energy and I knew something was wrong. Being the strong, assertive, full-blooded Yoruba man he is, he assured me that all was well and not to worry. Haaa! Telling a woman not to worry is like asking a wall to step aside...*lol* Of course "O" finally admitted that he was troubled and promised we'd talk about what was bothering him. This too is another side of him I love so deeply because he isn't afraid to open to me and share his true self.

I could go on and on about all the things I love in my Nigerian man. His strength, resourcefullness and intelligence sometimes blow me away and I just smile as I think "God you gave me a true African king". There has been no other man that I've loved who has made me feel more alive, more desired, more cherished, more adored or more deeply loved than my Nigerian husband. As I look into the clear blue sky, I say this prayer to God "thank you Lord for the beauty of my Nigerian husband's love and for allowing me to experience it in it's fullness and sincerity."

Mo ni ife re oko mi ===> I love you so much my husband

--Oluwakemi