There's so much I want to positively happen for me and I think often of when will it all be right for me. Just thoughts of being free in every way are exhilarating. Although I need this job for the moment in order to support myself and family, I really don't want to be working here. I feel I'm not in the right job. There are times when the thought "how do I change my circumstances so that I'm happy with where I am" so fill me from within. I just want to know joy in life. I want to feel full. I wish to leave behind sadness, despair and negative energy. I know that change in a good way is coming for me soon. I can just feel it ! I love you God and I'm glad you chose me as one of your children. I want to feel nothing but God's love. Well, almost time for my next and final work break.
Thoughts of running my own business come to mind again. I'm thinking about selling clothing items at the local flea market. God will you grant me love, peace and guidance to the truth. It's good to know that someone loves me. I haven't seen the little duck that usually swims in this pond lately. I love being outdoors. Listening to the sound of this waterfall relaxes me. It's a bit overcast today and I'm glad for the shade the clouds provide. Wonder what my son "J" is doing? Lord knows I absolutely cannot wait until I leave MetLife once and for all. This job is the job from hell. Well now the sun's broken through the clouds and it sure is hot.
I've not thought much about happiness in Boston but I've thought about what the change of environment might do for us for sure. God let me be still and find my way as I should. Let the positive energy I need flow through me. One thing's certain, I desire strongly to fix my life for the better. Perhaps that's my problem, I'm always the one trying to fix it instead of trusting God.
At moments I think about the various people who have crossed my path in this life and I wonder why they've not stayed. Was it something I did or was it just not meant to be? God touch me with your lovingly sweet presence through the breeze of the wind. Well, time to head back indoors and work.
At times I really wish there was a good friend. I wonder why all my life there has never been a good friend for me of course with the exception of "S. Daniels" and "L. Pack" two very good childhood friends. Aside from that there has been no one I've felt I could count on. As I walk outside, I think of the love my friend "J" has for me and a feeling of love and joy cross my being.
Feeling stuck in a job I know does not fit my persona is at times unbearable but perhaps in the next month and a half I'll be able to change things for myself. God I believe has dreams, goals and hopes "that" or shall I say "which" I'm destined to attain. The secret however, is getting what I need.
Oluwakemi
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