Countdown to a New Life--Day 4

It's Wednesday, October 22, 2008 here in Tulsa on a very rainy day. Its been a while since we've had a good rain here in Tulsa, so it's much needed. As I lay in bed looking out my window, I watched the raindrops fall and the lightening thundering across the sky. What a perfect day to just lie and reflect over my life and where I am on my journey in life. So many thoughts race through my mind of all I still have yet to handle before I depart Tulsa on Sunday. I'm still sorta torn in feeling as though I'm not as supported as I'd like to be over my decision to work abroad. But I continue to pray and trust God that He will bring all things to pass in due season.

This is the second day that I've not heard from my husband. I'm sure all's well, as he too is working diligently to prepare to meet me in Dubai. Nonetheless, I hate it when we don't communicate on a daily basis, as I'm always left wondering what's happening in his part of the world.

I finished all my packing last night and plan to take my suitcase over to the airport today to have it weighed to ensure I'm within weight restrictions. One would think that I'd be more excited than I am but instead I feel kinda indifferent. I always get this way when I feel bored with things in my life. Wondering if I'll receive my travel itinerary to Houston today, as most others due in Houston on Sunday have already received theirs.

Still haven't been able to make contact with my parents. I've been calling everyday now since Sunday and they're never home. The last time I physically saw them was on Friday night. They were playing bingo at a local establishment near a place where I pay my utility bill. It was good to see them both out having fun, especially Dad, as its been hard for him to just sit around since he was diagnosed as having suffered a slight stroke. Awwww, my parents and their bingo; oh well, guess it's what keeps them happy.

J seems to be coping well with my pending departure abroad. J is just J and the most important thing to him is his nintendo game and wrestling...*lol* However, I really do think that after I've been gone for about a month or so, he'll realize that things aren't really the same in the house without my being present. I think he'll miss me for a while and be really glad to see me come February.

Still not sure what exactly is going on with my daughters. They each seem to be in their own little world, and again I guess it's their way of coping with Mom leaving them on their own totally for the first time in their lives. But I know God is my husband and protector, so He'll do a wonderful job of making sure everyone I love is taken care of.

Well guess I'd better get up and handle today's business as I've got a few things to wrap up in relation to my leaving.

Okay, I finally received my travel itinerary to Houston today! Looks like I've got a late flight out of Tulsa, and only three more days to wrap up last minute details, visit with family and friends and take a good look around at my surroundings here in Tulsa. It'll be four months five months from now before I set feet back on Oklahoma soil.

Still no word from "O" today. I hate it when he fails to make contact with me because I never know what to think is happening from his end of the world. I took my suitcase by the local post office to be weighed and it looks like I'm within the limits of the weight restrictions. I've got all my stuff packed and I'm pretty much ready to go. I still have a few last minute things to handle like picking up medication, coloring my hair, getting ankle socks, getting postage on the package to ship my cell phone home and getting a polish change on my fingers/toes. If I'm going to be meeting my husband for the very first time then I want to be sure I'm looking like an African Queen...*smiling softly*

Its pretty much rained all day today here in Tulsa, and the rain and cooler weather makes me sleepy, especially since I've been up since 5:30ish or so. Talked with my parents today and they seem to be doing okay. Dad's still visiting the doctors and taking tests to determine if there are any other major problems with his health. Mom was surprised to learn that I'm deploying on Sunday. She thought that I wasn't leaving until sometime in November. They're added to my list of folks to visit with one last time before I fly out.

--Oluwakemi

Countdown to a New Life--Day 5

Today is Tuesday, and there are only four more days left before I head to the airport on Sunday to fly out of Tulsa to Houston. Began my day early as usual, up around 5:30am, spent time in the Word of God and prayer. Headed to the gym and got a 5 mile walk/run in, and then headed back home for a good hot bath. I continue to keep my blood sugar levels in the normal range, although they tend to be a bit on the high side upon awakening each morning. But after my daily exercise, and breakfast, they test out as normal.

I weighed in today and have lost an additional three (3) pounds; so I'm now down to 217 lbs. I was so hoping I'd have gotten my weight down to 200 lbs by the time I see "O" in person in Dubai. I don't know which of us is more excited about meeting for the first time. We both have so many thoughts of our first meeting. I'll just be glad when I can actually physically touch him for the very first, as though to prove to myself that he's real.

My eldest daughter and I had lunch together today. I enjoyed this as I've really wanted to spend as much time as possible with all my kids before leaving the States. I'm hoping that we will all be able to have a family get-together over the weekend before I fly out on Sunday. Nothing special just want to bake cookies with the grand kids and laugh and talk with the kids about days gone by and times to come.

I picked up the remainder of my clothes from the cleaners today, so I'm really praying I'll be able to fit the remainder of the articles I hope to take with me into the suitcase I'm using. A few of the other individuals I've met who are going to Houston for processing, have apparently gotten their travel itineraries already. Hoping mine will show up by at least tomorrow and not at the last minute on Friday.

Plan to color my hair on Saturday in order to get rid of some of the grey. I want to be absolutely sure I'm looking my very best when I see my husband for the very first time...*smiling softly* Well, more to come on tomorrow, as it'll be Countdown to a New Life--Day 4.

--Oluwakemi

Countdown to a New Life--Day 6

Okay, its Monday and this is the first day of the vacation I took from my current employer in preparation for the trip to Houston in order to complete processing with the new employer. Taking a week of vacation is a stretch for me, let alone taking three entire weeks. I've been chatting with others who are also headed to Houston for processing to go to Iraq, and I must say I'm really looking forward to getting on the plane to Houston and getting all this underway.

I began packing my suitcase today and realized I've got quite a few things to try and fit into this one piece of luggage. There is a weight restriction, so I pray that I can bring along everything I need without exceeding the limit. I've also pretty much wrapped up a lot of things from a legal perspective, only have one or two more things to get done. I plan to finish packing no later than Friday and then take my suitcase to the Post Office in hopes of having them weigh it for me.

For the most part, my children seem to be quite calm about my departure. We've hung out here and there but I really don't think it's hit them just yet. I think the true impact will come once they realize I'm physically not here and won't be for a while. They each continue to move along as though nothing different has happened. I seem to be experiencing the same thing from my parents. They too don't seem to be making a big deal of my heading away to a country far from home. Oh well, I've accepted things as they are, and have come to realize that this is all about my living my life, just as others seem to be living theirs.

Well, I'd better head to bed, I'm getting sleepy.

--Oluwakemi

Countdown to a New Life--Day 7

It’s Sunday morning, October 19, 2008 here in Tulsa, and I sit thinking with so much on my mind. Precisely one week from today, I will be leaving Tulsa, Oklahoma to fly to Houston, Texas for processing in preparation for working abroad. Part of me is excited about the opportunity to experience life abroad and travel to places I have only dreamed of visiting. Yet the other part of me is somewhat sad at the fact that for the first time in 28 years, I will be leaving my kids behind on their own for one year.

My children are now grownups, each has their own personality, and in my eyes, each is the most beautiful, unique, and intelligent and loving child a mother could ask for. I am thankful God granted me the opportunity to be mother to them while on this journey called life. Although my children are my heart and soul, I am saddened at the fact that we have not spent more time together as the time draws nearer for me to depart. Perhaps they too are struggling with their emotions of my leaving them.

My heart is heavy, and I want nothing more than to feel the warmth of my children and grandchildrens' arms about me. To hear the sounds of their laughter, to see the joy upon their faces, and the reminiscing in their eyes as we remember the good and bad times shared. My children and I have come through so many trials over the years, and yet I am so ever grateful that through all of them, God has kept us strong.

I know that for my daughters, my leaving is hardest because they are single mother’s themselves, and they have relied upon me the most. But yet, I know without a doubt they are strong women who come from a lineage of strong, confident, and intelligent black women; my daughters will be just fine. I worry most about my baby, a boy, who is now 20 years old. He just graduated high school in May 2008, and this is his first attempt at being an adult. All he has truly ever known is his two sisters and I. He will continue to live in our home here, and I pray that God guides his footsteps, helps him to become a man, and protects him in every way.

Despite my feelings, I know that God is Lord over all, and He will keep my family and I safe through our journeys. I have walked long enough with God to know that sometimes, I have to encourage myself when life seems to come at you fast. This job opportunity is an experience to give me more insight about life around the world, and not everyone gets such an opportunity. Father God, I welcome and thank you for your grace, goodness and mercy. It is by your goodness that I prevail.

--Oluwakemi

Reflections of my Soul

Poetry of the mind,
Thoughts and ideas
Full of promises and yet unreachable at times

Where are you found? What is it you seek?
Does your soul call?
Does its meaning give life to your inner spaces?
What do you seek? Where do you belong?

Silently tears fall
Stinging the open wounds of my heart
Reflections of past hurt escape to the inner light
A renewed sense of justice calls to me now
Can you feel the sense of urgency within?
Do you have the key that unlocks the closed door?

Patterns
Rhythms
They run in parallel lines
Many lines which seem to lead nowhere
Have you discovered the truth?

Yours is a mighty calling
To thine own self be true
Thus shall you find the inner workings of your soul
That which brings you truth and revelation of life

The answer is found
So open your soul
Allow God's presence to heal
A healing balm that rejuvenates the broken in spirit
But yet delivers the mind.

--Oluwakemi

Words of Wisdom.....

I enjoy tidbits of wisdom that cause me to reflect upon and seek to improve my life. Below are trinkets of wisdom I found along my journey in life. I don't remember who wrote them or where I found them but hope they'll inspire you as they have me.....enjoy!

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Think Differently to Change Your Life

Dear Child--Exercise your right to think differently. Do not get caught or stay in old patterns. To change your life, you need to change the way you think.

Hold not onto the past. Instead hold the thought of what you wish to become. See that image. Feel that image. Be that image and your life will change.

Release your fear, release your doubts, release your pain, release your old thoughts to make room for who you want to become.

All is well, Child of God.

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Don't Worry

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. ---Phillippians 4:6-7

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Patience

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."--Jean Jacques Rousseau

Today--Remain patient; your reward is much greater only if you hold on and see this thing through; stop being so moody, pushy and rushy; wait, your change is coming; the Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him; don't stand around twiddling your thumbs while you're waiting, find something progressive to do; wait I say, wait and have patience!

--Oluwakemi

His Love Keeps Me Smiling

There are people in life who possess a special ability. The ability to make your smile light up like a fluorescent bulb whenever they cross your path. That is the effect my husband “O” has on me. I have said it time and time before but God knows I love this man so much. Something about his simplicity, his true inner beauty, and the sound of his laughter always makes me feel so thankful for the little things in life God has given me. “O’s” love always brings about a smile no matter what I am going through in life.

Lately, “O” and I have not been spending as much time online with one another chatting due to life’s little obstacles and this absence, coupled with the distance has made our hearts grow so much fonder of one another.

I smiled with a grin as wide as the “Cheshire Cat” character from the Alice in Wonderland story when I read a Yahoo Instant Message “O” had sent me. The message read, “Get this in your brain and every part of your body….someone in Nigeria loves you dearly”. What a beautiful message. These simple things keep me loving this man, and I would not trade his love for the world.

As we chatted this morning, I confided in him that because my plans to travel to Nigeria in August 2008 would not manifest, I was a bit down hearted. My financial picture is not what I would like it to be now and it has played a big role in keeping me from traveling to Nigeria. “O” reminded me that we were destined to be together and as such, we would be together no matter what.

Lord, I ask, please continue to give me hope in the power of faith and destiny. I know that the gift you have with my name inscribed on it is for me and no one else. I thank you Lord for the manifestation of your goodness in the lives of my husband and I.

--Oluwakemi

Still in Love....

I really must admit. I have been doing a lousy job of blogging lately..*lol*…and although I could use the excuse that there is so much going on in my life, I won’t.

It’s a beautiful day here in Tulsa. Temperatures peaked around the 80’s with lots of wind and sunshine. At work today, my old boss and the new boss both took me and a co-worker out to lunch to celebrate Administrative Professional’s Day since they had failed to get around to it on the actual date. We ate at a restaurant called Ti Amo’s an Italian place. The food was okay but not somewhere, I’d like to eat again any time soon.

When I’m worried about things, I tend to talk too much, along with feeling anxious. Moreover, of late, I’ve been plenty worried and anxious. Why? Because my finance’ “O” has been in the hospital for nearly a week now, and I’m so worried about his condition. I’m even more worried because I’m not able to physically be there at his side to care for him, and this makes me crazy. I thank God though that his cousin “L” who loves him dearly has been there for him without fail. Not to mention “L” has kept me posted every step of the way about “O’s” condition.

I finally got an opportunity to speak with “O” on yesterday and he sounded so very weak. He tried to reassure me though that he was feeling better and was doing quite well. However, the mother instinct in me doesn’t believe this for one minute. I just wish to God there was some way on the face of this earth that I could physically get to him. He really and truly does need me, and now I realize what he was trying to say to me when he said, “honey, I need you more than you know”.

Apparently, he’s been having some stomach problems for quite some time now but has tried to just be himself because he didn’t want me to know how sick he really was. I wonder why life hands you the cards that it does at times. I still for the life of me cannot understand why God has allowed me and “O’s” paths to cross virtually but we’re unable physically to be together. Is this some kind of test of our love and commitment to one another? All I know is that I will be so glad when I can get a real grip on things from a financial aspect so that I can be at my husband’s side to stand strong with him.

“O” truly is a good man, and God knew exactly what He was doing when he brought us together. Things for the two of us haven’t always been heavenly, in that we have our battles like every couple in love but what makes our relationship worth it is our continued commitment to one another. I know people think I’m crazy for being in love with someone clear across the planet and whom I continue to believe is my husband but I know in my heart God has ordained this relationship and we shall be joined in physical and holy matrimony before God’s eyes.

I’ve thought about “O” every waking second since I last talked with him on Saturday evening before I even knew he was ill. He was so very loving and kind to me, as he always is. Telling me only how much he loved me and that I was everything he’d ever prayed for in a companion. No man I’ve ever dated has shown me as much love as “O” has. For this, I feel so very blessed because he continues to believe and he encourages me when I’m down reminding me that we will be one as husband and wife soon.

All I can say again is “God thank you, thank you so very much for giving me a husband after your heart”. I promise to love, cherish, honor and obey him until death do us part.

--Oluwakemi

Between Mothers and Sons....

My eldest son phoned me on today. Wow! I was completely taken aback at his phone call. So much so that during our conversation, I broke down and cried. Why? Because my son and I have somewhat been estranged in some ways. You see “K” is my eldest son and he’s always had a definite mind of his own, and stubbornness has been one of his high points.

When he phoned me at work, I was very surprised to hear his voice because as a mother, my child is always on my mind. There’s not a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t say a prayer for him, and even more so since he’s stationed in Iraq. No, he’s not in the Armed Forces but working as a contractor instead. He completed his military tour back in 2004, and I’m not sorry to say that I’m glad he got out of the Army when he did. Otherwise , I know he’d probably have been on the front line of the war and already deceased by now but as they say “God knows just what He’s doing” and I’m so glad He’s blessing.

I asked “K” what made him decide to call me and he said, “I don’t know, I was just walking back into the compound and thoughts of you came into my mind. I knew exactly why he’d called me; God had placed it on his heart. You see I’ve been praying mightily for my son. I’ve prayed that God would make his heart tender and turn his heart back to the Lord and his family in a spirit of love and gentleness. So much about “K” has changed over the years and I think the military hardened his heart a great deal due to the things he was exposed to during his military career.

However, since he’s been working as a contractor in Iraq he has started to change some. He’s finally begun to grow up. I remember somewhere along the way someone once told me to just give it time, that in time “K” would mature and become wiser. I now see that piece of advice manifesting itself. I listened with pride and joy as “K” told me how financially independent he’s become as a father who’s responsible for supporting his own kids now. I listened and thought this child who was once a boy, foolish and hard-headed has now grown up into a fine young man, who’s smart, strong, self-willed and becoming wiser every day. I’ve told my son before but I don’t know if he remembers, but I’m very proud of the man he has and is becoming.

“K” told me that he’d be coming home to visit in May and that he’d be bringing the kids with him. I’m excited at the thought of seeing both him and the kids, especially since I’ve not seen the kids since they were three and two. I wonder if they’ll remember Grandma…*smiling softly*…especially since they’ve only seen me once in their lifetime. Nevertheless, I know they’ll know me when they arrive because I’m grandmother, and they’ll feel my love.

Thinking about my grandkids in Germany just reminds me of all my grandkids, especially those here in the States. I chuckle when I think about my eldest grandson “B” and how intelligently he converses with me about even the smallest of things. Always making sure that I’ve heard everything he’s said to me. Then there’s “K” the leader of the pack ! She’s the granddaughter that keeps you praying for strength. Always bossing everyone in everything, she’ll be the leader of the gang. I chuckle again because seeing her interact with the other grandkids reminds me of “K” when he was a little boy, always the leader of the bunch. His siblings, my other kids, would always follow him and the whole loot of them would end up in trouble because “K” always could convince them to do that one thing that would surely land them all into trouble…*lol*

It was good to hear from my son. I’m glad God touched his heart to call. Every mother wonders from time to time if she did the best she could in raising her kids, and I’m no exception. “K” adamantly informed me that most of his anger towards me had been because he felt I deprived him of many things in his childhood. Because I wouldn’t let him do what all the other kids were doing. However, I still knew at the end of our conversation that I’d done my best as the best mother I knew how to be. He talked about how I made them stay indoors to read the Bible at times instead of allowing them to go out and play. I know that while he didn’t and still doesn’t understand it, I pray the older he becomes the more he’ll realize that his childhood wasn’t as terrible as he thought it was; but that instead his mother raised him in love and with a knowledge of God.

So I thank you Lord for protecting my son and keeping him safe. I thank you Lord for blessing him in the ways that you have. I thank you Lord for blessing me with the privilege of being his mother as he journeys in this life. Because when it’s all said and done, I will always be his mother and he will always be my son. I love you “K” never lose sight of our memories whether good or bad…Mom.

---Oluwakemi

Discovering My Passion

It is a beautiful sunny day here in Tulsa with chilly temperatures but nonetheless a beautiful day. As I write this post, I smile at my self-revelation about whom I am and why I am here. I have always wondered what I was put on this earth to do, and for most of my life, I have felt very frustrated over not being able to figure it out. However, lately, I have seemed to be more in tune with this aspect of my design and I feel that finally, after 46 years, the eyes of my soul now see.

I have been thinking a lot these days about my life and where I am headed or better yet, where I would like to be headed. You see, at 46 years old, a lot of change is taking place in my world. My youngest child is about to graduate from high school in six weeks, my boss of a year and a half is leaving and the lease on my apartment is up in three months….whew! All of this is affecting me at a very personal level and I have many decisions to make.

Now that I am about to be living on my own (since my son wants to get his own apartment) I am struck with the realization of “what will I really do with myself?” I mean, for the most part, I gear my life around my children and grandchildren and I have not had much of a social outlet apart from that. I am typically the kind of person who just goes to work, church and back home. Apart from those days where I babysit my grandchildren or play a game of billiards with my son, I am usually stuck in the house surfing the net. So I’ve begun to do some true introspection into my life about what it is I want to be doing now, especially since it’s going to just be me around the house, and I’ve discovered I want to travel abroad, teach English and help others along the way.

Just what exactly do I mean by helping others? Well, I have always loved sharing my knowledge with others by helping people learn new things. However, of late I have had a burning desire to leave the confines of my stable environment and teach English abroad. I know it sounds insane to want to give up a decent and stable life to go running all over the world to God knows where and living God knows how. However, I want to be doing something more meaningful with the knowledge and gifts I possess.

I have always loved sharing whatever knowledge I had about my passions with those who seemed receptive to listening and learning. So what better way to use my life experiences as a mother, grandmother, wife, student, teacher, employee and native English speaker, than to share them with those who may be interested in hearing what I have to say. I truly hope my own experiences will benefit others in some way and that my desire to teach English abroad brings positive change in the lives of those with whom I share.

Since I’ve discovered what I believe is my life’s passion, I’ve been checking out tons of stuff related to Teaching English as a Second Language (TESL) and Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL). It appears that teaching English abroad is not too difficult but simply requires some planning, commitment, and certification to teach. I have decided to make the plunge and acquire the certification in order to obtain work abroad that will allow me to live my dream of traveling and helping people along the way.

I smile at the synchronistic events that have crossed my path today. The events seem to be clues pointing me in the right direction. For instance, a colleague of mine who is the Dean of Global Education at the college where I work stopped by my office this morning for friendly chat and we discussed living a life filled with what it is you want to do, as well as teaching English and living abroad. Then, shortly thereafter, I received an instant message from a friend of mine who shared the following:

Question: Why do people stagnate for years or decades in their
life?

Answer: They don’t have a PICTURE/VISION in their mind that
is greater than their current reality.

Question: Why do so many people have little to no personal
growth their whole adult life?

Answer: Without a PICTURE of a future GREATER than where you
are today, there’s no incentive or need to grow.

Until you CONCEIVE of a future that you want, that will excite you, you're
not going to release all your God given gifts. You have to conceive on the inside before you live it. When you shackle your gifts, you hold your income and personal growth hostage.

Source: http://www.mikelitman.com/blog/?p=70

In addition, to put the icing on the cake, I opened an e-mail containing a company-wide newsletter that mentioned the State of Oklahoma celebrating international students, and what caught my attention in the article was the mention of the college’s in-house ESL coordinator, whom I never knew existed. Therefore, I immediately sent an e-mail to this individual seeking advice about ESL opportunities that might be available to college staff interested in gaining ESL teaching experience. It just absolutely amazes me the things God/Universe bring across your path when you become tuned into your heart’s desire.

As I ponder the possibilities that lie before me to change my life and make it what I want it to truly be, I shudder with excitement, excited because I know that my dream can become a reality if I pursue it with passion. As I write this post, my heart longs for Africa, and I long to be there, teaching a people I feel so connected to in a strange way. I long to make a difference in the lives of these people because as I have connected and made various friendships among the Nigerian people, my heart is touched at the level of poverty some of them experience. I long to reach out to those among them who truly suffer and bring hope, the hope of learning something they didn’t know before that could change their life in a positive way.

I believe I, just like everyone else on this planet is here for a purpose, to make a difference in the life of another human being. My desire to reach out through teaching of my language and life experiences has awakened within me a passion I know will transform me and those I touch.

—Oluwakemi

Blogging Your Way to Riches

I can't count the numerous times I've searched high and low for opportunities to make money while sharing my written thoughts with others, and by golly I've stumbled upon an opportunity.

Tell me if you know of anyone who doesn't enjoy receiving extra money. I for one am always on the lookout for opportunities which allow me to earn additional income....legally of course, and that's where Bloggerwave can pay off.

Did you know that Bloggerwave gives you the opportunity to make extra money from blogging? That's right....if you have a blog and want to make some extra money, then checkout the site that aims to be Europes' biggest advertising media on blogs, and you can help them grow so more and more jobs will come.

So if you enjoy blogging and want to make money while doing what you love then checkout Bloggerwave and join the latest wave in blogging.

Happy blogging !

--Oluwakemi

To Be Loved By a Nigerian Man

It's an absolutely gorgeous day in Tulsa. In fact, the temperature here got up to around 74 degrees with lots of sunshine. Although I'm writing because I realize it's been well over 3 days since my last post, I'm really writing because I've gotta get my feelings out on paper about my feelings for my Nigerian husband whom I love so much.

You see, my husband (husband to be, but he and I see ourselves as married already) lives in Nigeria. He has never set foot in the U.S., yet our love is stronger than anything else either of us can imagine in our lives. We first began communicating with one another in October 2006 and have been deeply in love ever since. There are those who would say "how can you love someone you've never physically met"; however, this kind of realistic thinking doesn't matter to me because it feels like I've know my Nigerian husband forever.

As I sit here at the computer gazing out of my bedroom window, my heart has a sort of melancholy to it. I imagine vividly the feel of "O's" hands against me, his breath warm against my ear as he whispers my name, the sound of his laughter as he calls to me with an undying love. I love this Yoruba king of mine. He is everything I've ever desired in a man as a companion. And although life for him in Nigeria is so hard pressed most of the time, the one thing that does not falter is his love for me.

Every waking moment thoughts of him are on my mind. I wonder incessantly how he's doing, what he's doing and if everything is well for him in a country so plagued with hardship and turmoil. I love this man more than anyone I've ever loved in my entire lifetime upon this earth. Just the sound of his voice fills me with an unexplainable warmth, audible laughter and overwhelming joy. My mind is always churning with thoughts of anticipation as I dream of our first meeting, our first kiss, our first embrace. Yes, I love this man dearly and he loves me just as much, that's what makes it so beautiful.

I will travel to and set my feet upon Nigerian soil for the first time ever during my life in July 2008. I have dreamed of and longed for this day since the moment I gave my heart to "O". I still remember the feeling of pure happiness and unspeakable joy the day he asked me to be his wife. Asking me if I'd give my heart to him and allow him to make me happy. Asking me if I'd share my life with him and stand by his side as his African Queen til the day we both took our last breath. He is the man I know in my heart God destined and created me for. I am the woman I know God designed for him and him alone.

"O" and I have come through so very much since October 2006 and through it all, our journey has continued and grown stronger than any love I've ever had. My husband is a man of beauty, truth, wisdom, strength and most of all God fearing. I love the sensitivity of his heart as a man who's not afraid to be real with me and expose his vunerabilities or emotions. I love the way he calls my Yoruba name and the way he speaks in his native tongue when he says "Mo ni ife re ==> I love you so much"

Yes, distance separates us physically as lovers but the energy of our love and bond of our committment keep us so very close. I love what we share and the way we connect. Our journey together has allowed each of us to easily perceive when something is amiss with the other.

Just today when I phoned my love to just say "I love you and I'm thinking of you" I detected the note of sadness in his voice. I could hear the voice of tears which had been his but which he tried to conceal from me. As his wife, I instictively reached out asking him what was wrong and to not hide his trouble from me because I could feel his energy and I knew something was wrong. Being the strong, assertive, full-blooded Yoruba man he is, he assured me that all was well and not to worry. Haaa! Telling a woman not to worry is like asking a wall to step aside...*lol* Of course "O" finally admitted that he was troubled and promised we'd talk about what was bothering him. This too is another side of him I love so deeply because he isn't afraid to open to me and share his true self.

I could go on and on about all the things I love in my Nigerian man. His strength, resourcefullness and intelligence sometimes blow me away and I just smile as I think "God you gave me a true African king". There has been no other man that I've loved who has made me feel more alive, more desired, more cherished, more adored or more deeply loved than my Nigerian husband. As I look into the clear blue sky, I say this prayer to God "thank you Lord for the beauty of my Nigerian husband's love and for allowing me to experience it in it's fullness and sincerity."

Mo ni ife re oko mi ===> I love you so much my husband

--Oluwakemi

10 Things You Can Do For Free with Your Kids During Spring Break

For most U.S. students Spring Break is quickly approaching. You know that coveted time where students put away their pencils, books and homework to enjoy a little rest and relaxation. However, for most parents with children 12 years old and younger, finding captivating activities can be a challenge. Especially if the your budget is limited when it comes to activities that require $$$.

If you're looking for creative ways to entertain your child during Spring Break, then why not take advantage of things you can do for free or little money and most likely things found right in your own neigborhood.

So here's a list...

1. Visit your local park and if it has a pond with ducks take along a loaf of bread and feed the ducks. Most people get a kick out of watching ducks hungrily gobble up bread crumbs.
2. Visit your local park and spend a relaxing afternoon together as a family eating a picnic lunch while sitting on a blanket conversing and playing your favorite board game.
3. Go for a leisurely walk and engage the kids in a race to see who can run the fastest.
4. Go get ice cream on a cone and sit and talk while enjoying it.
5. Go play a game of billards (pool).
6. Visit your local library checkout a movie the kids will enjoy, and buy popcorn and other snacks from the dollar store to enjoy while watching the movie.
7. Visit your local muesum and have the kids give you one important detail about a display that interests them.
8. Take a mini day vacation to a town nearest you and visit a site you've not seen before.
9. Visit a local bookstore such as Barnes & Noble and let the kids find a favorite book to read while browsing the store.
10. Pull out your favorite board game and play as a family.
    

These are all things I did with my kids when they were between the ages of 5-12. Kids love their parents' attention and Spring Break is a wonderful time for family fun. Once you get every one involved, the laughing will be contagious and the memories priceless.

Oluwakemi

Taken By Surprise

There are some surprises in life I welcome with open arms, while there are others I wish I had a remote control for.

My boss of almost two years just told me he accepted another job offer. Talk about taken by surprise. I never saw it coming. Now don't get me wrong, I'm genuinely happy for him, because I know it's an idea situation considering he's been telecommuting between Oklahoma and Texas for almost two years. Yet, I genuinely hate to see him go. This individual has not only been my boss, but a mentor in the workplace and a supportive shoulder when I've just needed to vent. I've interacted with a lot of supervisors during my working years, and not everyone is supervisor material. But there are some people who make a positive difference in the lives of their co-workers and my boss has been such an individual.

Although there are still six weeks until he officially leaves, I'm still sad. Working for and with my boss was a joy because we interacted very well. He knew his job, did it well, respected me greatly as an Executive Assistant and allowed me to perform my duties with as much autonomy as needed to effectively support our department. For this I'm extremely grateful and thankful that I was blessed to work along side such an individual.

I continue to feel a myriad of emotions behind this surprise but nonetheless, I wish him well. I only pray that God will bless me to be so fortunate to work with someone else I'll some day consider a great boss.

Oluwakemi

I Know I've Been Changed

Aaah...another beautiful day. As I sit here at the computer writing this entry, I occasionally stare out my bedroom window, watching the branches of the trees sway gracefully in the wind. The sun's shining here in Tulsa, and temperatures reached closed to 60° today. I know I keep saying over and over Lord how thankful I am, but I truly am so grateful to be alive and blessed with all the things God has allowed me to have. It's not always easy being a single mom with the responsibility of raising a child on a single income. Yet I am so thankful in my spirit for the opportunity to be not only a mom but to have a decent job that allows me to provide the needs of my family.

I began fasting again today, planning to do another 7 days. I feel deep within my spirit that there are some additional areas in the my life where I need a breakthrough. My focus in prayer is the healing of finances for myself and my family, family reconciliation and unity, favor in every area of my life which God deems part of His plan for me, and that I might travel to Nigeria in July to be a blessing to those God has connected me with.

Today's workday was a pretty busy one and it seemed to pass quickly. I tried to be very prayerful and mindful of the Lord as I went about my work duties today but what my soul needed was the opportunity to really cry out in prayer, which is what I did when I got home. After I arrived home, I immediately got on my knees in prayer and began seeking the Lord. My soul felt the need to connect with God in every possible way, and as I sit here writing this entry, I think of all the wonderful ways God has blessed me. I know I can never repay Him for His goodness, mercy and grace, but I know that seeking Him in spirit and truth so that He might use me to share His word with others pleases Him.

Don't ask me why, but I feel such a difference on the inside of myself. That first 7 day fast I undertook did something to me. Somehow it changed me on the inside. My soul feels more gratitude and more of a longing to please God instead of myself. All I know is that I need and want the kind of breakthrough in my life that only God can give. For the first time in years, I feel like I've been changed, feel like something new has taken place within me. I feel like some significant changes for the good are about to take place in my life.

"O" has joined me in this fast and we have agreed to seek the Lord together. I pray that upon our completion that God's power will breakthrough in our life like a mighty rushing wind as in the day of Pentecost when the fire of the Holy Spirit fell upon the believers. I'm reminded of God's word that says "Seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you, ask and it shall be given. Because they that seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."

Have you ever anticipated a thing? You know, that feeling where you can feel that something is about to happen but you don't know what or when. But you know it's about to happen and you anticipate it cause it's a good thing and you've been waiting for it a long time? That's how I feel. As though God is getting ready to do something wonderful, something miraculous in my life, something that I've been waiting for a long time, and now my season has come.

Lord I know I can never repay you for your goodness but I want you to know that I thank you. I thank you in every way for all your blessings in my life and I give you the honor, and the glory because you alone are God.

Oluwakemi

You Are My Joy

You are my joy. Even in my lowest times, you are my joy. Hallelujah ! I awakened to the sound of these lyrics from the song entitled "My Joy" by Tye Tribbet & G.A. off the album "Life". What an awesome reminder that no matter how tough life can get, we can still have joy when we walk with God as our source.

It's 3:15am Sunday morning here in Oklahoma, a cold 35° and daylight savings time is in effect. I always sense within my spirit that whenever I awaken during odd times of the night that God is nudging me to pray. I read my morning bible scriptures and began to pray for those individuals whose names I felt the Holy Spirit laid on my heart. Funny thing about the power of prayer, its power is unaffected by distance.

I've thought much lately about my eldest son "K". He's currently in Iraq doing contract work for the U.S. military. My heart prays for him constantly that God's mercy, grace and love would keep him from every hidden danger while simultaneously blessing him with every good thing. I don't hear much from "K" he's got his own internal issues he's struggling with but I know that God is good and in His timing all things will come to pass even for "K".

I smiled at the sms message I received from my friend "F" who lives in Nigeria. He reminded me that God's love never ceases and that His mercies are new every morning. I'm thankful for the spiritual friendship we have. "F" has been a big spiritual inspiration in my life during the time I needed it most. He's the friend who went the 7day fasting journey with me to break the chains of the gambling addiction that previously held me captive. It feels so good to be delivered. There's an old saying that "people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime; you just have to figure out which one it is". I now know the reason "F" is in my life...*smiling softly* and I thank God so much for him.

There are times when I ask God, "please Lord show me your love, just make it so clear to me". I smile when I realize the way He manifests His love by putting people in my life who demonstrate it so unconditionally. When the realization hits me that the unselfish actions of another is the awesome power of God's true love for me, I'm touched spiritually; and tears come as I realize His love is so wonderful. Thank you God for always loving me even when I can't quite understand how to love myself.

As I sat in the church service today listening to the sermon my heart was so tender towards the Lord. Pastor preached on the coming of the Lord and how important it is that we be ready in season and out because we know not the day nor the hour when the Lord might return. They showed a video at the end of service depicting a church full of people listening to the gospel being preached and all of a sudden the Rapture took place and many were left sitting in the sanctuary pews looking around in astonshiment. Tears flowed from my eyes as this dramatization touched me deeply. I prayed, Lord help me to be ready for your return.

I invited all the kids and grandkids over today for Sunday dinner after church services. "K" couldn't join us because she wasn't feeling good and took herself to the hospital while I kept the kids with me. She had not been feeling well on last night and had mentioned that she might go to the hospital to get herself checked out. However, when she awakend this morning she still didn't feel any better and decided to go ahead to the hospital. She says the doctor thinks it could be her gall bladder giving her problems. I'm believing by faith that she is healed and that there are no such complications.

However, "E" and "K" did join us for church service and dinner afterwards. It always feels good when the kids are in the house...*smiling softly*. The sound of the grandkids running through the house, fighting over toys, and giggling about silly things blesses my soul so. "K" my eldest granddaughter is so in charge when it comes to bossing the other grandchildren around...*lol*. I laugh as I watch the grandkids all interacting, they often say some of the funniest stuff. It is absolutely a beautiful day here in Tulsa today. Temperatures actually reached 60° this afternoon.

My thankfulness for today: "Thank you God for taking the shackles off my feet so I can dance. I lift my hands and praise you for all that you're doing, all that you're about to do, and all that you've already done".

Reflect upon your blessings today, rejoice and be blessed !

Oluwakemi

The Goodness of God

Isn't God good? His mercy is so awesome and His love never failing. If God has ever done something for you, then you know what I'm talking about.

I awakened this morning thankful that it was Friday. The close of the work week, payday and the reality that I have much to be thankful for. As I lay in bed thinking, my soul began to rejoice in all the small miracles God has done in my life. Those things like: my health and strength and that of my loved ones, keeping my rent paid, having sufficient food in my cabinets, reliable transportation, a decent paying job and working among decent individuals. Perhaps for some, these might not seem like miracles but if you've ever had the experience of struggling with any of these things, you'd understand why I deem them a miracle in my life.

I recently embarked on a 7-day spiritual fast because I needed some real spiritual muscle in my life to get rid of some carnal desires causing me problems. I'm a firm believer that alot of the problems in our human lives are spiritual and that a good dose of fasting and prayer can alleivate most of the things we struggle with.

My problem was gambling, and believe me, it had a strong foothold in my life. As a single mother, gambling is not a vice you want to become addicted to. I saw gambling as a demon in my life and indeed it was because its grip was destructive and it impacted every aspect of my life.

So many times before I had cried out to God with tears begging Him to please remove every desire to gamble from the depths of my soul. However, time and time again, when pressures overwhelmed me, I'd succomb to gambling as a outlet to deal with life's pains.

But on February 24, 2008, I wanted something different. I wanted to be delivered once and for all from the demonic grip of gambling and I knew that it would take drastic measures on my part. Somewhere in my spirit, I felt God had just been waiting on me to want deliverance so bad that I would be willing to take my deliverance by force.

I remembered reading in the scriptures in Mark 9:14--29 about the father who had a son possessed since childhoold. The father brought his son to Jesus' disciples seeking his son's deliverance, but the disciples were unable to cast the demon out. When Jesus showed up on the scene he asked them what all the fuss was about and the boy's father explained that the disciples could not cast the demon from his son. Jesus replied to the father "O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I bear with you? Bring him to Me".

When the boy was brought before Jesus the demon immediately began to torment the boy and Jesus asked his father "How long has this been happening to him?" and the father replied "since childhood." Jesus said to the father "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes." Immediately the father cried out and said with tears "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief !" Jesus spoke to and rebuked the unclean spirit, and after the spirit put up a fight, it came out of the boy. After this miracle of deliverance the disciples asked Jesus in private why they could not cast out the spirit in the boy. Jesus replied "This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting."

This one statement "This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting" is what encouraged me to get desperate about my deliverance from the demon of gambling. I knew within my spirit that gambling had been with me since childhood because gambling is a root that existed in our household when I was a kid, and my parents still gamble to this day. But I knew that if I really wanted deliverance, truly wanted to be set free, I'd have to fast and pray to show God that I meant business about being delivered.

I'll tell you, fasting is not an easy thing to do because your flesh doesn't like being deprived of food. But after you get past the third or fourth day, your flesh understands completely that you are the master of the bodily temple. God knew my heart, heard my plea seeking deliverance, and didn't allow me to fast alone. Instead he sent a friend to go the 7 days distance with me. I thank God so much for such a friend. Having such friends in your life who are willing to go on a spiritual journey with you because they want you to have all of God's goodness in your life, is yet another of God's blessings.

God is good and He's good in so many ways that it'd take me many more pages to tell of His goodness in my life. I know this deliverance was more than just deliverance from gambling. It was a deliverance from the sins in my life that had so easily beset me.

I'm feeling better these days and much closer in my walk with God. I know that He has a great plan for my life and my blessings will overtake me. My prayer continues to be "Lord, help me freely share your goodness in my life with all I encounter". Nobody has to tell me because I know without a doubt, God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

Oluwakemi

My Nigerian King

Hmmm....I ponder within myself how best to begin this topic, as it seems to have so many avenues because love is involved....*smiling softly* Just who is this person I deem my Nigerian King? Well let's just say he's an attractive, loving, and beautiful Nigerian brother who holds the keys to love's door within my heart.

I first met my love "O" October 2006 via the internet. Yes, you heard me correctly, via the internet, and our relationship began as just casual chat, getting to know one another. Although when "O" and I first began our chats, he was going through a difficult time in his life due to the death of his mother. I did my best to encourage him during this loss in his life. My sympathy and kindness towards him seemed to strength our relationship immensely, and we soon began talking almost daily.

When I first began chatting with "O" it never crossed my mind to begin a long distance intimate relationship. Besides I was seeing someone locally in Tulsa. But the local relationship soon ended on a bad note due to the individual finding interest elsewhere. Heartbroken, I turned to "O" who seemed to be right there loving and comforting me.

There's something incredibly beautiful about Nigerian men. If you capture their heart, they can make you feel like a true African Queen. I began to realize that my interactions with "O" were beginning to become more than just a friendly chat with a new friend. It wasn't long before he began speaking to me in ways that made me feel cherished, loved, adored and cared about. It didn't take much for me to give "O" my heart.

The next thing I knew, I've got a marriage proposal. Something I've never before been asked in my life. Yeah, I'd been married before but no one had ever asked me to marry them. Besides something about "O" was different. He seemed confident, sure of what he wanted, and he always made it clear, aside from God, that my love and companionship in his life was what he wanted most.

Well I accepted the long-distance marriage proposal, and in July "O" sent me an engagement ring and we both decided that we'd consider ourselves husband and wife until we could be legally married in God's sight. We spent as much time as we could together via webcam, telephone calls, text messages and Yahoo chats. There were days when it took everything either of us had to not cry and complain about loving one another so and not being able to physically touch. But our prayers and love for one another sustained us through some of the worst times.

Now don't get me wrong, long distance relationships have just as many challenges as a physical relationship if not more. "O" and I have had our share of ups and downs, as well as many "breakups" due to frustration and mis-communication. But our breakups where never really long term, more like a temporary cooling off period to sort things out. You see "O" and I both are pretty headstrong and outspoken; so you can image the combustion in this type of relationship.

But you know, if I had to do it all over again, I'd still choose "O" as my husband. Why? Because despite the differences of opinions, challenges and obstacles we have encountered on this journey of love together, we both realize that we truly love one another. We both believe that our union is destiny and that we will have a tremendous testimony to share with others about God's goodness in our lives.

I've never in my lifetime met, interacted or loved a man the way I love "O". I feel that God personally sent him into my life as evidence of the way that He loves me. "O" isn't perfect but he's everything I've wanted in a man. He loves and knows the Lord and has an intimate relationship with God. "O" is kind, thoughtful, loving, sensitive, strong, assertive, independent and a hard worker. The thing I love about him most is the way he takes charge as a man but yet loves and respects me as his Queen.

"O" and I have many dreams we desire to fulfill together and we continue to trust God to give us the desires of our heart. Things are very different in Abeokuta, Nigeria than they are here in Tulsa, Oklahoma and everyday my husband struggles to meet even the basic needs. However, he's a Nigerian man, and Nigerian men are very resourceful, proud and go beyond measure to provide for their loved ones. I'm thankful to have such a husband, who despite his sufferings in such a poverty stricken country, gives his all to me as a loving husband.

It's been 1 year and 5 months now since "O" and I have remained in contact, and 10 months since we both said "I do" virtually. We'll see one another for the first time in July of this year and that anticipation alone keeps the fire of our love burning deeply. Our chats continue pretty much daily, along with visual interaction via web cam. I love this man just as deeply as he loves me, and I continue to thank God for the wonderful gift of my Nigerian King and his awesome love for me. Whenever I reflect on the meaning of the Yoruba name "O" gave me "Oluwakemi--God loves me" my spirit rejoices because I know that God truly does love me.

Oluwakemi

Who I Am

I have seen so much hype about blogs and it seems most everyone has one. Therefore, I decided to join the cause and find out what all the excitement was. They say in the blogging world one can write about anything and others will possibly be interested. Well let us see how true that really is as I begin by sharing a little about myself.

I decided to call my blog Designed2Bless because I believe God created (designed) me to be a blessing to those I encounter on this journey called life. Whether my blessing is a kind word, a friendly smile, a needed hug or material assistance, I know He designed me to be a blessing. In fact, about a year ago a Nigerian acquaintance of mine, gave me the Yoruba name "Oluwakemi", which means..."God has blessed me" and truly He has blessed me in so many ways.

I am a single mother of four wonderful children who are all grown. Well just about, my last child is a senior in high school. I am also grandmother to five beautiful grandchildren of who are two tough little boys and three independent little girls. I have lived in the glorious state of Oklahoma for 46 years and have never traveled outside the U.S. I am the eldest of six siblings, two sisters and three brothers and I do not own a dog.

For the most part, life is good and I feel blessed, no matter how rocky life gets at times. I have been married and divorced twice. The first was for seven years, and the second was for 15 years. I guess according to the rap artist "Webbie" I could be described as "INDEPENDENT". You know...."got my own house, got my own car, work two jobs, I'm a bad broad"...*lol*.

As a Christian, I attend church regularly. Given all I have been through in my life, I cannot afford NOT to serve God. I first began my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ when I was about 12 years old. My walk at times has been a struggle on my part, but I am so glad God is not a man in that He would judge me harshly and give up on me. Instead, His love and unfailing grace have brought me through so many of life's encounters. His mercy has taught me how to be truly merciful with others and to realize that life could always be worse no matter how bad you think yours is.

As far as how I make my living, I am an Executive Assistant to a Vice President within a local college, and I love my job. It has its days like any other job but overall it is a good place to work and grow a career. In my spare time, I maintain my personal website Designed2bless.com that for now promotes my Blog entries. I've got some ideas churning in my head to possibly branch out into offering a product or service via my site....so stay tuned; but for now just come along with me on the journey to become better acquainted with me.

Until we "blog-meet" again, may the Lord watch between you and I and keep us safe.

Oluwakemi